Gmail is removing accounts that are inactive.
So i need to log in my gmail to make sure they are still active.
And then i come across my blogs.
Time flies.
So fast that memories are starting to fade.
I just want to remember how much i used to love this person PK.
April 10, 2004, we got together. I remember this. But, i can't remember how we got together. But i remember initial period there was once we went to 400+ coffee shop and he was reading newspaper ha.
December 2006, he told me feelings fade. Previous posts reminded me is December 2006. I remember i was standing at the corner of my Sembawang house, right outside my room, when i read the message.
I waited for him.
From 2004, i give in to PK whenever i can. Whatever he likes, i learn to like. Wherever he wants to go, i go. I make sure i am always available whenever he needs me. He is always my priority. Especially so after we broke up. I tried so hard hoping we can be together again. I have never left him although we broke up. It's funny sometimes we were still doing couple things.
Until... Some time in 2010 when J appeared.
J is so different from PK. He gives in to me. It's probably something new. I have to admit, with all the pressure from CO colleagues. I choose J. There was once PK gave me flower, it was the only time he gave me a bouquet of flower. I had to throw it away. I regret so so much, until now. As time passed, i realised that as much as J dotes on me, i don't think he is the one for me. PK also had disappeared from my life from the time i choose J.
2011 G came in. I always say he is in between PK and J. Eventually i choose G and here we are blissful.
From PK disappeared in 2010, i always wondered how is he. I always wondered how we will be if J never appeared. Will we really go according to our plan PK drew? (He drew a plan, what age marry me, what age buy car, what age buy house, what age have baby lol hashtagwewereyoungandinlove)
2013 he contacted me in FB. I was thrilled. Because there were so much i wanted to tell him, that i'm sorry for leaving him.
2014 we still had a tiny chat in FB.
After that i don't remember if we still kept in contact. But i remembered i gave him a letter from the first time he contacted me in 2013. Btw what did i wrote and how did we arranged to pass it?
But one fine day in 2017 i just realised that he disappeared from my life again. Probably like what i mentioned previously, he needed to give his partner security. Afterall, we were so much in love and were so important to each other for that many many years.
It's 2023 now, 2024 is coming ohmytian. Almost 20 years since April 10 2024. For 20 years this person has been in my heart. Not the same place as 2004, a different place now because i just want to always remember that he was important to me.
9:23 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2021
Hi. Time flies. It's been like 4 years since you disappeared from my life. Probably to give her more security and assurance. I hope all is well.
9:04 PM
Friday, August 4, 2017
Once in a while i will dream of you.
And then i will start thinking of us again. Thinking how we got together. Thinking how we broke up but still remain very very good friends. Thinking how i ruin the relationship. Thinking how we got back to talking (whatsapping) terms. Thinking how and why and when everything stops, like you just migrate to another country without a word.
So much on my mind.
Ok bye, gotta occupy myself with things to do.
1:22 PM
Any way that i can "back up" this blog? I seldom log in nowadays and it feels like it will suddenly go missing. Hmm.
11:56 PM
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Wow. Blogger looks so much different from previous. Nearly had difficulty logging in just now. Even though i do read this blog sometimes, but i hardly log in. Now i feel like i should port these posts somewhere so that it can be more lasting.
Okay so the last post was in 2011. What will happen if we bump into each other on the street. I am thankful that recently we cleared some words that's in my heart for a long time. I am thankful that one day we bump into each other at MRT and managed to speak a tiny bit. I don't know if somewhere in a corner of your heart you still feels hurt. But even though we've cleared some words in my heart, i'm still not able to forgive and forget myself.
Yup just wanna come in and answer the qns to the previous post. I hope whenever we see each other on the street we can still talk. (Btw why we stay so near but hardly see each other) 😂
3:40 PM
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
what will happen if we bump into each other on the street?
when will we talk again?
12:09 AM
Saturday, May 15, 2010
you made me enter your life 6 years ago. 3 years 5 months since what you had decided in 2006, i doubt i have the ability to make you love me again. but continuing pampering you, loving you, allows us to make you feel that you're so much worth loving for. the most awsome boy who deserve every bit of my love. make sure the next one, feels the same as me.
1:40 PM
Saturday, May 1, 2010
hey yo. ages since i last updated. anyone still pass by here?
when people ask how's my boyfriend, they are referring to you. how amazing they thought we're still together. and deep inside i'm happy hearing such things because it seems as though you're indeed still my boyfriend. but at the same time, another unexplainable feeling. something like, hey, i wish he's mine.
my mind and heart appears fine for so long. but when i quietly, seriously, emoly, whateverly, think of us, my feelings are really affected. and a couple of droplets of tears do roll down. no matter who is going to enter my life in future, i guess you're irreplaceable. somehow, a special place in my heart belongs to you.
12:41 AM
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
she was feeling moody.
she switched off the lights and go to bed.
suddenly she remember telling this to someone:
"i don't believe in things like forever, i'll wait for you, etc, anymore."
and a few drops of tears flowed out.
misses.
12:20 AM
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
i have always secretly wished for a carebear soft toy. thought it was a waste of money to buy a soft toy since i'm no longer a little girl.
and today i own a heartsong bear. thank you. (:
proper updates soon.
12:33 AM
Sunday, November 22, 2009
i'm so bored bored bored...
anyway past few days were marvelously great. lols. well, at least for me. i had great time, great company, great laughters. travelling around with cars are so much convenient. i'm glad that both of us have license, and we decided to rent car. places that are aren't very accessible by public transport, can be easily reached by car. whoo.especially when past few days had been raining. if without the car, we would have stayed home. so yea, car is good, so is license! bad thing is that car burns big holes in our pocket. i must say his driving skills are so much better than mine, you know, i say, instructor feel. hah!
i can be such an extremely happy girl when i'm with you because funny things happen and i'll laugh till my stomach hurts. and when i think back, i'll giggle alone myself.
well, most importantly i hope the birthday boy had fun, simply because it was his day. (: pictures are good, but not sharing. hah.
*****
i've been looking for jobs from the day i finished my finance paper. but no good news up till now. the agency tricked me a few times. and so bad that i need to go back to flyer distribution temporary, and i hope it wont be at places where there's alot teenagers, where bumping into familiar face is easy. i need lots of money to do lots of things:
new make up and i heard etude is good.
online shopping! i haven't been buying stuffs online for a long long time.
laptop as mine is getting old.
ikea to buy board for the corner of my room.
mini collection for kalicoatelier.
belated present.
good food such as fish n co express calamari!
facial.
badly in need of a hair cut.
sigh. so much to do, so little money.
and because i was not feeling well, sushi and drink was delivered to me. thank you. (:
6:26 PM
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
i want to remember this.
i had a great macdonald breakfast just now. even the simple harshbrown and milo seems exceptionally yummy. perhaps i've been deprived of mac breakfast for too long. perhaps i'm feeling very hungry. perhaps it's the company.
i had a good 1 or 2 minute laugh. we were looking at the monopoly game board when i said it'd be good to win some cruise holiday or courts voucher or jetstar voucher. and then the boy suddenly said no, he didn't want cruise or jetstar. he wants the $200 toy'rus voucher. it made me laugh for about 1 or 2 minutes, and i thought, how adorable. he sounds so like a kid. and then he explained that he can buy helicopter, aeroplane and radio control cars at toy'rus. true true, they're quite fun actually. the kid in him. hah.
images of darling bibi still appears on my mind. i miss him.
1:16 PM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
i'm pretty irritated by a few issues today.
1) the people at RP has something wrong with their mind. they stomp their feet at the wood floor in the library. stomp deliberately. they talk as if they're at the market.
2) i miss out having a nice morning today.
3) something's wrong with the internet. it take ages to load facebook, blogger, blogspot. hotmail and facebook gone haywire.
besides all these, i'm constantly feeling irritated by the fact that exam is nearing. i'm sure i prepared earlier than last semester. i couldn't understand why i can do it last semester and i'm struggling so much this time. i could finish memorizing 21 chapters of marcom last semester. i feel like a super woman thinking back how i survived semester 1 and 2. i think i never study selectively then. i'm on the verge of dying/giving up now although i have lesser chapters to study this semester. i THINK it's lesser than last semester. but it's definitely alot tougher, and the content seems to be heavier. i'm thinking should i study selectively and pray hard that whatever i study comes out, whatever i don't study don't come out. i thought what would happen if i fail these 3 modules. i would repeat ALL TOGETHER with cheryl. that's so UNCOOL. i feel so drained even when the papers have not started. how am i going to survive another 1 week plus. i'm really really stress. someone with help me.
the only happy side is that exams will finish in exactly 2 weeks from today. you see, i can have lots school related stress-free months. but you can also see, the time table is reallyyyy packed.
i think maybe, i'm getting more stupid. yea maybe. i need spongebob kind of brain so that i can absorb everything.
11:03 PM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
yes yes it's ranting time again. not new when it comes to exam period eh? i tried not to, but i can't help it.
i'm going crazy. so afraid i have no time to memorize everything into my head. this semester can be considered started revision early. i had more or less finish the notes writing last week. except like 2 chapters which i missed out. started reading and memorizing this week, but it seems not enough.
let me emphasize again, the time table sucks. monday, tuesday, thursday. how the fuck am i going to squeeze everything in and pour them out on these 3 days. i'll have the most minimum sleep from sunday to thursday. can i just burn the paper and drink it? if only this method is useful.
if i had known earlier that i can shift some of the modules, i would have shifted sales to next year. then i wouldn't be so stress and the time table would not be so close. i have a feeling i will fail one subject this semester. i'll be so darn happy if i pass all subjects. sigh.
i don't know how to go about studying for GM. GLOBAL MARKETING. examples from real life? like political issues? economic issues? so dead so dead.
done with ranting, back to memorizing. i hope i can squeeze them in. i hope i can do it. i.... i.... sigh...........
3:46 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
don't irritate me.
don't irritate me.
don't irritate me.
don't stress me.
don't stress me.
don't stress me.
i hate exams.
i hate exams.
i hate exams.
make me happy.
make me happy.
make me happy.
i find myself so fucking useless everytime it comes to exam period. somehow or someday, i'll cry. :(
4:51 PM
Friday, October 9, 2009
17 days to first paper. initially i thought i was being a good girl preparing early. but nono, not enough. i still have alot more to go. am afraid of this semester's papers. needs to know about current affair for global marketing. it's either you know or you don't know for finance. and i feel like tearing out the whole sales strategy book. the person who binds the book is kinda goondoo. i have so much difficulty reading the words at the side, which spoils my mood of studying it. keeping in mind that my papers are so close to each other, it really stresses me. i must get a super glue to stick my butt on the chair for 10 hours a day. -.-
and lastly, i reallyyy reallyyy like that pudding at chong pang. :(
12:22 PM
Friday, October 2, 2009
last night on the bed, i thought of mooncake festival.
5 year ago, we spent this lomantic festive season at sembawang neighbourhood. i had piggyback ride if my memory didn't fail me. and that's the only time, till now, we spend this lomatic festive season together, just the both of us.
anyway, i didn't have mooncake this year. i have been "begging" for snowskin mooncake, but mummy's not making them this year. neither are we going to buy. so if anyone have some snowskin mooncake leftover, share it with me k. -.-
happy mooncake festival.
11:37 PM
it's 1.32am. i had shut down my lappie, finished up my chapter 1 sales strategy notes, taking out chapter 2. shuxian called and ask me to do executive summary for GM assignment. ugh, me again. :( it's the last assignment and i hope we'll do well, 50%!
let me just do some ranting. since we already know the submission is on saturday, shouldn't she not work this week? or at least not work on wed and thur so that we can finalize everything sooner? instead of rushing everything now, then i'll sleep at 4am tmr and wake up at 10am for school? in addition, not knowing how to do the executive summary is not an excuse, i'm not born to know either. in addition addition, it's not nice being MIA and last minute that it's not safe to ask her do executive summary. in conclusion, since all the previous executive summary are done by me, and given the above "reasons", i'm being picked again to do executive summary, during the last minute. i have to check reference, check ROI, check conclusion tmr, last minute. poor poor ade.
anyway exams are coming! in approximately 3 weeks time. have started preparing for it, not allowing last minutes. and yes, i must chiong and own this exam.
ok i need money money money. best friend's birthday is exactly 1 month from now. dearest birthday is 1 month plus from now.
Because you said you wanted.:D
1:49 AM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
ok i can't wait to say, i'm a very happy girl today. hehehe!
sat pengkee's car just now, drove by him! yes! i'm the first friend passenger. more next time, i hope? his car is so cool to have those high technology.
ok let's not be over excited. :D
11:11 PM
Saturday, September 12, 2009
it's definitely tough for all of us. it's incomplete without him here, and heart breaking to think of.
thank you from the bottom of my heart to make me feel much better. thank you for hearing me out. sorry for irritating you with those stuffs. with you around, i have so much fun and laughter. you won't know how much you make a difference. wonderful you, wonderful time.
on a brighter side, i had astons for dinner. super delicious dinner which pk claimed that i ate twice the amount of food i usually eat. thank you for the treat. we decided not to go for MOF dessert as we're so bloated by then. but i'm still thinking of the dessert now.
ok i'm reallyyyy tired. i need to sleep soon.
12:17 AM
Friday, September 11, 2009
HAHAHA! i don't know why i'm such a piggy this semester. i sleep but i still feel tired. :(
anyway, welcome another new member in my house. his name is pudding. thought i should have another not so active hamster to train myself to touch them. missing the one at chong pang is so saddening. bought pudding from serangoon and he is one cute baby. i would say he's cuter than bibi. bibi is handsome, and cute when he sleeps. pudding is cute just by looking his face, and he always stand up to look at us. BUT, he is super naughty. he keeps biting my kor's hand till i don't have the courage to touch him anymore. how how! :(
i was listening to first love on youtube and a strong feeling emerge when this lyrics appear. "You are always gonna be my love Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo I'll remember to love You taught me how" i don't know why, but i miss you so much. plus a unexplainable feeling. you're the one who taught me alot of things. and like the english lyrics, i believe i can never find somebody like you.
the boy who wanted to give me $100 as allowance when he barely have enough for himself. the boy who remembers i wanted to eat sotong youtiao 2 weeks ago when i forgotten it myself. the most awesome boy i've met.
thank you.
12:01 AM
Friday, September 4, 2009
nothing else matters when... we're having fun. we're happy. we enjoy each others' company. agree?
because if you meet a better girl, it's time to let go.
and so, i had, am, will, treasure every moment with you.
at the same time searching for a better man, though i doubt anyone's better.
-- on a random note, i totally hate the uncomfortable-ness that few days of each month. period.
1:54 PM
Saturday, August 29, 2009
interesting interesting. i had such a interesting day. haha! accompanied pk to sim lim to buy stuffs to make lights. end up sitting at the shop for over 1 hours listening to the uncle talk. a very wide topic, interesting realities of life. i agree to his points to a few things, especially the part where he says "buy LV pouch for her instead of PSP." "bring her to bangkok." hahaha! okay kidding. it's funny how he thought we're couple and talk so far to the future. makes me wanna laugh. but seriously this conversation is valuable. shhhh i have a secret. actually i love being misunderstood as the girlfriend and being called "his darling". hehehe.
for the past few weekends i've been eating out. the very yummy zhi char at tpy, the very crispy popeye, the bak kut teh, the double fillet burger and seaweed fries, the stingray, and sim lim's ba chor mee. nicey nicey! but at the same time it makes me a little broke. but all very satisfied meals. i thought i would gain weight but no, i didn't. :(
happy with these. i hope you're too. in fact i'm a super duper happy girl. i think both of us are such sweetie. HAHAHA! he would not think twice when spending on me. i would not think twice when spending on him. even if is just books, or shrimps, or whatever. little things makes a difference. how many girls would be so willingly spend money just to make him, or the both of us happy? ((:
i can't find anyone better.
11:21 PM
Friday, August 7, 2009
the disappointment is so much that the heart fell from level 10 to level 1. the sadness is so much that i couldn't control and burst into tears almost right away. but i will do it right the second time.
thank you sweetie. i can never express enough how happy i am to have know you. it may be mushy to hear this, but i don't know how my life would be without you.
thank you for surprisingly appearing, which makes me feel so much better seeing your presence. the hug and shoulder to cry on is definitely useful.
thank you for buying bibi for me. you do know how to make me happy.
it'd be perfect if you feel the same for me like how i feel for you. nevertheless, i'd like to give you as much happiness as i can. thank you for everything everything.
11:27 PM
Saturday, July 25, 2009
i'm ultra sad and going crazy soon. because why do i have to fail OB, and now i have to repeat doing the project, which never fail to make me feeling like i'm going crazy anytime soon. i don't know why i feel like crying now.
12:47 PM
Friday, July 24, 2009
It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.
and there's this boy who used to love me very muchie.
11:54 PM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
okay, now that i have started school for a week, it's time to start ranting. the time table is so crazy that it feels like i've started school for quite some time. and there are a few days where i will reach home soooo dead tired, brain cells running out. especially those 830 to 630 lessons, ending off with this very nice module call finance. i tell myself to love finance, hah. i haven't been facebook-ing alot either. talking about 630, the bus and train are soooo packed like sardine. have to be typical singaporeans in order to board the bus and train.
anyway first few days are global marketing, pretty fine, because i've already started writing notes on that module, and that lecturer is the good and funny guy. but global is such a huge word, and i hope me, this mountain tortise who knows nuts about global, will be able to do well.
organisation behavior. find it such a waste of time to attend the lecture, when the notes are the same, and what the lecturer said are the same. met 3 new friends for the group project. hopefully they're ok! analyzed the individual project and it sounds pretty manageable when explaining to friend. however when i start looking for the 8 sources, i got kinda stuck. worst would be the report writing part. due date is in 1 months time, which will be followed by the group project. till now, i keep blaming myself for failing this module. :(
business finance. like i've mentioned, i really did tell myself to love finance and not to be afraid of it. need so much concentration that if your mind drift off for 3 mins, you will be lost in jurassic park. can't be late either, and since it's maths, practice would make perfect. (i hope so) having attended this module for 3 lessons, i'm still quite weak in the stuffs that's being taught. test will be after we've covered topic 4. argh.
sales strategy. heard that it's pretty much like what we learnt in poly. sounds easy? but i realized they have individual and group project. and the individual one, have to write a report as well. i hate writing report. and please, no presentation. oh, exam doesn't sounds easy, from what i read from the student portal.
count for me how many killer modules i have this semester. can i say all are like killer modules? okay, who will read this long long rantings huh. haha. time to sleep and hopefully i'll wake up earlier tmr to write some notes.
12:32 AM
Friday, July 17, 2009
"And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."
ily, enough said.
1:58 AM
Friday, July 10, 2009
i want to watch sunset and sunrise with you. i want piggyback rides again. i want to watch fireworks with you again. time to sleep, good nights.
2:09 AM
Saturday, June 27, 2009
yooohooo! i'm back, this time still a happy girl. yesterday shopping was great. had some good laughs over 2 issues on the way to shopping. hehe.
dinner at MOF. that's where i saw nat ho. nat ho nat ho! cheryl i know you're super jealous but don't want to admit. hahaha. okay back to the dinner. i like the teapot and the interior, and most important the food! makes us want to go back again for more. and right now i feel like going SSC MOF for their dessert. yummylicious.
got a agnes b inspired bag as birthday present. awww, i feel like a bad girl, getting almost $200 present for this year birthday and over $200 for last year birthday. anyway, i love the bag to bits though it's not the real stuff. and we were talking about getting the authentic one, lime green! if it's alot cheaper in HK, probably i'll get it. argh. i know it's expensive but the discussion and the pictures makes me so want to get it man. oh i got a little miss sexy ezlink sticker. so me, right. HAHA. somone got his puma polo tee too. heh.
my photography skill is pretty good eh?
the lights on top of me.
the view outside. nicey, because it's intercontinental hotel.
and ta-da! the super nice dessert.
trust me, it's alot nicer in real life, though it'd be better if there's a logo sewn on. hehe kidding. wanted to get other colors but thought it would be difficult to pei with clothes.
iris, use your $344 to buy this for me. i will love you lots.
and a happy but not pretty girl.
thank you for pampering me. ((:
1:08 PM
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
twenty second birthday is superbly awesome.
♥ mentioned that if i pass all my modules, that'll be my best birthday present. and yes, i passed all my modules. advance present for myself.
♥ sakae buffet which is not very very satisfying. a little torture though. but nevertheless, the side dishes were good. and especially the mochi ice cream!
♥ best girlies surprise at 12am. thank you.
♥ the day itself is rather boring. stayed home and played with chloe and sleep. nearly became a giraffe (shall explain soon). simple cut cake session with family.
♥ wishes from friends through sms, facebook. one nnkk who deliberately sms me late, though this nnkk knows i'll be waiting for the sms. (that explains the giraffe part)
♥♥ and the best of the best, the short getaway trip. nice experience, nice company, everything is nice. except the bully part. roars. right now i'm still very very very miss it. you're the best. thank you. awwww. i really want the time to stop.
on another note, school is starting in less than 2 weeks time. how can time pass so fast man, even when i'm nua-ing at home. i seriously seriously don't want to get back to school, because this coming semester sucks. course guides and notes are up on the student portal. just took some glance at the notes and i almost fainted. finance has a whole list of formulas and weird terms. ob has additional readings which we don't have in the past, and the individual and group project needs to write literature review. gosh. have not looked at the other two modules, i have no eyes to see. screams!!!
the reason for this smile.
6:44 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009
and there goes 210609, just another day. i realize as we grow older, birthdays doesn't seem as fun, important, etc. especially when there's no significant other to celebrate the special day with you. and birthdays is a time when we see how important are we to the friends around us.
on one hand i wished something nice would have happen. on another hand, i have the it's-just-another-day feeling. i don't like it when friends ask "so how you spend your day and what you receive?" to avoid these, i avoid going online.
but i'm sooo looking forward to tmr. (:
happy twenty-two, ade.
12:11 AM
Thursday, June 4, 2009
*hops around* after checking my results, i really feel like hopping around. so i run and hop a little into mummy's room and break the good news to her. i'm super happy. silly me still broke down during ethics exam. -.- silly me again afraid that tomorrow when i wake up, the grades will change. -.- but i love the ethics ang moh lecturer lah. thanks to him, i'm able to pass. i will continue to work hard next semester. but i'm still afraid lah, cos there's finance. cheryl, this time you better study with me.
i love family outings. it's been so long since the whole family went out together. used to go cycling when we were young. another one coming up this sunday. hope it'd be successful. more family outings please.
playing superman.
never really shop at forver21 before. even if i step in, i couldn't find anything i like. but the website is different. i could find some pretty nice clothes and one caught my eye. have the urge to go look for the dress and bra. i want to buy sleep wear, inner wear. my wishlist seems to be adding on and on. i want to have more money. :(
end off with some pics of chloe.
super vain girl.
look what she did to her face using my blusher.
i finally get to bully you. heh. fun fun today. :D
11:18 PM
Friday, May 29, 2009
i just want the boy whom i love to love me. simple as that. 你曾经那么爱她。她曾经是你的一切。你记得吗？
and because you're the precious one, i want you to be happy.
12:20 AM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
i'm a little upset because i couldn't tutor that psle kid. though i really really wish to, but i shouldn't be selfish. have to admit that i couldn't answer those questions with stars. if not, i could have been a pretty good tutor, i believe so. :(
i made chocolate few days back. i think they taste pretty good and looks pretty.
after running some errands at town yesterday, i went to shop from one end of orchard to ps. pro me loves shopping alone. but it's terrible to shop without money. many caught my eye but i couldn't buy. i tried quite a number of clothings, just for fun.
1) i kinda like this because of the color and the two pockets. i'm into pockets tops recently. 2) fox spag. it's only retailing at $23 but i couldn't afford it now. two pockets as well. really pretty, with lace too. 3) casio baby g i saw on magazine while i was at borders. 4) ripples bag. but i prefer the one at tomato can at marina square. 5) la senza. since i'm alone, i went to try out their stuffs. it's really comfy. i like! 6) pull and bear cardigan. but it's okay not getting this, cos hollyhoque's cardigan is arriving soon. 7) i need to buy sandals. perhaps from cotton on since it's cheaper. 8) U.R.S flats looks not bad too. and everlast's cute shoe which i always see other girls wearing. okay i think that's about it. if it's my 21st birthday this year, i would have asked friends to buy for me. hahaha. anyway, bought some brownies back, and gave one to chloe. haven't seen her for quite some time. love her lots. heh.
yesterday's driving was good. not talking about my skill. good in the sense that i drove at 80km/h, drove to mandai and clemeti, passed two subjects.
after having lesser pimples for a few days, they are back again. it's like a routine. hate it.
i need job desperately. i think i need a hair cut. fringe is getting longer, hair getting thicker. but i don't want to cut, if not my rebonded hair will be spoilt. :(
oh and lastly, 2 projects results are out. credit for ethics. i think it's near to distinction. anyway good enough to have credit, hope i'll pass the paper itself. and distinction for marcom. happy! third distinction this semester. thanks pk for the video! hehe. if only i get so many distinctions in my exams.
12:44 AM
Sunday, May 17, 2009
ROARS! why am i always being treated like this. why can't i lead a happier life. i am human, i have feelings. sucks. sleep is the only time i can't feel anything. if only i can keep sleeping. i'm. feeling. terrible.
7:30 PM
Friday, May 15, 2009
I FOUND A NEW LOVE~~~! are you all happy for me? no i'm not happy. because my new love is.......... daiso. hahaha! i've never really shopped properly there cos i find the things they have is toooo many. but just now i went to shop cos i needa get something. i was "awww i want this" in my heart. "this can buy for chloe. that can buy for cheryl and iris. this can also buy for pk." lol suagu i know. i've always like cute little things and daiso has alot of it. bought 2 things there. was cheated by 1 of the things i bought because it's not what i expected it is. -.-
and i really like the cotton on top. it's only $15, but i didn't have enough cash with me. and i really like the, erm, inner wear, but i was too small for it. grrrr! bigger please! lol! so i came home sadly... :(
went driving yesterday, after 2 months. i was missing for lessons for 2 months, and pk already got his license. humpf. i shall work hard. now whenever dad drives, i would have the urge to take over the steering wheel. i'm waiting to drive my family around proudly. heh.
i've been having headache for one week. i hope i'm ok. :(
business is not good. i need a pretty model, but doesn't have money to pay the model. roars! why do people only shop at those super popular shops, and don't buy at mine when it's so much cheaper. these girls must be goondoos. :x i'm really sorry for the poor business.
i've been eye-ing this for a long time. :(
i'm waiting for my 2 hollyhoque stuffs to arrive. i've been facebooking alot. i need to say gooderbye to iris's charger soon. iris, i promise to return you next week okie, probably monday.
edited: ok i take back my word that i love daiso. now i hate it. lol. i went giant with mummy. and guess what, i saw what i bought a daiso at much cheaper price. i always get cheated. some things at daiso are worth the $2. but what i bought was really not worth it i guess. :( sudden craving for hot cakes.
3:32 PM
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The rain falls on my windows And the coldness runs through my soul And the rain falls, oh the rain falls I don’t want to be alone
I wish that I could photoshop on Our bad memories Because the flashbacks, oh the flashbacks Won’t leave me alone
If you come back to me I’ll be all that you need Baby, come back to me Let me make up for what happened in the past
Chorus (Come back) Baby come back to me (Come back) I’ll be everything you need (Come back) Baby come back to me (Come back) Boy you’re one in a million (Come back) Baby come back to me (Come back) I’ll be everything you need (Come back) Baby come back to me (Come back) You’re one in a million (You’re one in a million)
Memories I have of Manhattan She goes shopping for new clothes And she buys this, and she buys that Just leave her alone I wish that he would listen to her Side of the story It isn’t that bad, it isn’t that bad And she’s wiser for it now
I admit I cheated (admit I cheated ) Don’t know why I did it (why I did it) But I do regret it (do regret it) Nothing I can do or say can change the past
Chorus
Everything I ever did Heaven knows I’m sorry but I was too young to see You were always there for me And my curiosity Got the better half of me Baby take it easy on me Anything from A to Z Tell me what you want to be I open my heart to be You are more priority Can’t you see you punished me More than enough already Baby take it easy on me
Baby take it easy on me Baby come back to me Baby come back to me
Chorus Chorus
1:44 AM
Friday, May 8, 2009
TA-DA!
2 demerit points only! and the reason for the demerit? because speed not fast enough. such a waste. could have been 0 demerit point man. but 2 is GREAT enough. oh wait, it's not mine, it's obviously PENG KEE.
finishing his lessons with such speed and passing with 2 demerit points with just one try, we got him a new name. premium. i thought this isn't good enough, thus i decided to make it longer. naughty sweet premium ah zai. that's the best i can think of, given the lack of creative brain. mr naughty sweet premium ah zai, i need your premium genes badly. pass it to me and let me pass my tp with 0 demerit points so that i can hao lian to kailin. hahaha. but i know, dream on man.
right now he's out with his mum and later he's going to drive his family. and me, going to have a nap now. been such a long day with the waitings.
although i feel like saying more, but i've run out of words. congratulations dearest! :D
5:25 PM
Thursday, May 7, 2009
wo shi shui~~ wo shi mars~~!
okie that's lame. anyways, ah zai, that naughty and sweet ah zai, not the tv ah zai, is having his tp tomorrow. to be more exact, in 13.5 hours time. i call him ah zai because he is zai in many many areas. that goes without saying driving too. so he's going to pass his tp tomorrow. yes he is. he, his family, and me are all super excited. and i wonder why i'm excited too. but a little sad because from then on, nobody will go driving with me. humpf. anyways anyways, his family got the P plate all ready in the car. he shall go drive them around in his toyota wish tomorrow. excited excited. and i want to be the first friend he drives around. he better promise me cos i'm so good to him. hoho!
pkpkpk, very good luck to you and all the best to you and i have 200% confidence in you! i'm not sure if you will see this before tp, but i will still wish you again tomorrow anyhow. i can't wait to jump in joy with you tomorrow. heh.
8:32 PM
Saturday, May 2, 2009
i don't know why whenever i'm studying, i will have cravings for food. right now i'm craving for fish and co. and when i think of fish and co, i think of more food such as ajisen, sakae, crystal etc. they belong to the same category (more expensive).
like the other time, out of nowhere i think of moshi ice cream. and then i think of subway, ikea hotdog bun etc.
drools. i guess i'm feeling better already, i hope so.
i have these super nice food from a super nice yet naughty sweetie. pics are taken from website.
thank youuuu. i thought it's be big bottle of orange juice only. haha! i took 5 hours to finish the first one. couldn't bear to finish it at one go. :x alrights, i'm really hungry now. :(
2:26 AM
Thursday, April 30, 2009
you super naughty big fat bully. people already so super down, feeling like like like super uncomfortable inside the heart, and you add salt to the wound.
yes i am still feeling super uncomfortable super down. i almost cried a few times today when my mind think of those things. and it seems like nobody understand. it's not that i don't want to study smart. it's not that i want to keep talking about exam stuffs. i seriously didn't want to talk about exam stuffs to anyone, but i just need to talk out my unhappiness. can anyone try to put yourself into my shoe. feeling shitty all over.
although you're such a big naughty bully, but i still love you muchie. thank you for little gesture to show you care, though more would be better.
5:49 PM
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
tell me why am i so stupid. tell me. tell me. TELL ME!
this is what happen: i pull my hair during the 2 hours paper. i cried during the paper, just that the tears are on my eyes they didn't flow out. i pray that i will think of the answers. i look around to calm myself down and tell myself repeatedly i can do it. i pray that i will at least get a pass. i shut my eyes and think of the answers, visualizing how my notes look like. i really felt i'm going insane. just 一线之差。just one step to being insane. i secretly scold vulgarities.
i thought of what happen if i fail. i don't want to retake one more paper. i don't want to spend another 1.5k. i thought of whether i need to buy the textbook or borrow from friend if i retake. i thought of how happy i'll be, jumping in joy, if i pass.
280 students taking ethics. after half hour, people start submitting. by 415pm, the hall is left with 16 people. i wanted to give up and left. but i tell myself to try. maybe i'll think of the answers later.
i studied what the questions asked. friends mentioned they didn't study some part.
but.
i came out of the hall crying. i called sweetie immediately and i couldn't control but cried. i really don't want to repeat module. i wanted to call mummy but battery low. i came home and tell her while i cry.
what's wrong what's wrong. i guess and i feel i've been more hardworking than last semester. but this semester all modules seems to be so fucked up especially ethics. this is the first time i left exam hall with tears on my face. alright, i really hate myself for being stupid, seriously.
am having headache now due to the studies and crying. i need sweetie now. i need nice food now.
6:30 PM
Friday, April 24, 2009
this song comes into my mind out of nowhere. but i think it's pretty meaningful.
however, am not very happy because today's paper is a disaster! local lecturer tells us which are the things which probably will be out. of allllllll the things he told us, only ONE came out. ta-da, everybody stun. BUT. i studied ALLLLLL chapters. 20 chapters. i studied the so called not important ones like thrice. i studied the supposedly important ones like five times? lost count. so all the supposedly unimportant ones which i study only thrice without memorizing much, comes out. and of cos, i couldn't remember. the only one that i studied hard and came out, but but, i didn't do very well. why is it like this. other people spot topics. other people don't study all the chapters. i study all with understanding, highlighting keywords, almost cried, but i still..... think i could't do well. but good thing is that i studied all, so some questions the answers are more or less there. yeah, lucky i didn't spot topics or eliminate any topic. but why. why dumb.
yesterday night i was thinking what had happened to me. in the past, i could get top three for N levels among 80 people. it's not a wow, but at least it's something. definitely my best achievement, definitely better than current. but what happen now. i even failed one module.
three more to go. the two which occurs next week are so super close with each other, and are the modules which are difficult, at least to me lah. please please please pray for me that i will at least pass the above subject and the coming subjects. i've been quite a good girl.
the late nights and stress are welcoming more pimples and pimples and pimples. i have a rough face now due to the pimples. lol. it's really terrible. it shows how late i've been sleeping and how stress i am. argh.
i'm 41 kg now!!!! it's been quite a while since i hit 41. hope it doesn't goes back to 40 or 39. go on to 42. 43. 44. and 45! eat moreeeee.
i seriously like the 4 items i saw online. add together would be around 100 excluding postage. grrrrr!
and i realize my life is so damn boring. kinda 白活了21年. because of my illness, i have can't do much during my primary school times. i'm over protected. which i think somehow leads to me being introvert. secondary school i don't have the courage to do things. i did not stay for the band camp. i did not stay on with band partly because of my illness. i did not do crazy things. poly is pretty much the same. when i had you, at least we spend time after school gaming and towning and causeway pointing. lol. after that, school was first meeting. first break in class. second meeting. second break with w66l eat and leave. third meeting. lesson end alone go home or stick with the guys like some irritating pest. seconday school and poly life with you gives me something to look forward to, somethings we can do together and color my life. after that was uni. this is the worst. lecture home lecture home. looking back, i have no cca, i have no camps, i have no whatever a 21 year old had gone through. i need some happeningssssssss.
such a random post. alrights, add oil ade. add oil!
9:37 PM
Friday, April 17, 2009
In this excerpt, Bentham defines the principle of utility and outlines the consequences for individuals, community and moral concepts. - Man kind governed by pain and pleasure. - Principle of utility, what. - Utility, what. - Interest of the community, what. - An action conformable to the principle of utility, what. - A measure of government conformable to the principle of utility, what. - Laws or dictates of utility, what. - A partizan of the principle of utility, what. - Ought, ought not, right and wrong, how to be understood.
can anyone tell me what the f is this thing? what what? this is just a small part which i don't understand. there are lots more which i don't understand. it's totally alien language. look at me studying this and you will see me frowning. i have no confidence in this module at all. it is so much tougher than OB. unlike other people, i find OB quite okay except the case study and that you have to memorize and understand the many theory. yet i fail it. and this semester comes this kuku module call business ethics, which i have no confidence of passing at all. please give me a do-able paper. i'll be contented with just a pass. but right now, i'm so afraid that history will repeat itself. i'll be damn sad if i fail this. but the good thing is, out of the many thinkers, we only required to study on 3 thinkers. if need to study whole book, i think i'd go mad. but it is still very tough! pray harddddd for me that the paper is easy and i will pass it. prayyy!
and i think this book teach us bad things. read this story. a blacksmith and his enemy met at an inn. they quarrel and the blacksmith killed the enemy accidentally. of cos, he should be sentenced to death. but before his sentence, some people stood out and said, killing the blacksmith won't bring the enemy back. they need a good blacksmith in the town. (he is the only blacksmith). the judge says, but a life has been taken and it must be paid for by a life. the people said, they have 2 bakers in town. one old and is dying soon. why not take the life of the old baker. the judge agreed. so the old baker paid for the murder, the blacksmith gets away. and this book tells us the judge is not wrong because they are doing good for the benefit of the majority. this theory is called utilitarianism.
exams makes me depressed. :( ethics makes me more depressed. :((
10:34 PM
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i don't know what came across me. but i have the urge to cry. i love the game cs. because it brings us closer, because i get to spend time with you. i hate the game cs. because it tears us apart, because of it i'm without you now. i wish things never changed. maybe it's the stress that's causing me to rubbish so much. maybe.
and i did.
7:53 PM
Monday, April 13, 2009
suddenly, i miss piggback rides from you. every now and then, things i see, read, hear etc, reminds me of you, us. if not, relate to the past us, the present us. i miss every part of you. pardon all my nonsense post.
12:49 AM
Saturday, April 11, 2009
SCREAMSSSSSS! i hate exams. i hate exams. i hate exams.
i know many of you would say i'm lucky to be able to study. but it's killing me lah. it is such a struggle can. like just now, i took hours to write a chapter of notes for this kuku module. these few hours i kept wanting to give up, either to close the book and sleep or use laptop or whatever shit. but i hang on and finished that chapter. i don't feel happy, because that's lots more to cover. neh neh. this semester seems so much to study. i want to continue ranting but i don't know how else to continue. i think the first 4 lines are enough to explain my feelings. argh.
edited: grandparents are here to stay for a week. the other day ah gong went ntuc and bought jelly for us. today aunt came and bought gui ling gao. ah gong specially took one for me. ((: from these, it goes to show how much they love us and still little kid to them. it's very seldom that i get to see them. this stay somehow makes me want to be closer to them. i realized ah gong looked really cute when he take off his fake tooth.
it's 1.35am now and i'm super sleepy. i think i took 9 hours today to finish writing 3 chapters of notes. comparing to last semester, it's better. but looking at the days left to exams, it's nowhere better. i'm especially stressed when shuxian called and tell me she scare not enough time blah blah.
i'm stressed. i'm stressed. i'm stressed.
but i can do it. i can do it. i can do it.
and i will do it well. i will do it well. i will do it well.
4:47 PM
another day is gone.
12:04 AM
Friday, April 10, 2009
it's the 10th. happy 5.♥
7:40 PM
Thursday, April 2, 2009
sorry dearest for disturbing you while you was almost asleep. i didn't want to call you, but i just need you so badly. and i wish you're physically here. never mind, 5 more days and i can say byebye to this semester project. hang on girl!
"i miss about being in a wonderful relationship - Comfort in companionship with fun and laughter all around. The hugs and kisses, being able to cuddle tight, snuggling your head into the neck, nestling in the chest. Just being able to breathe the same air."
not long ago, i suddenly thought of us. images of us just flashed back. it really wasn't on purpose. the first image started from us stepping into poly life together. searching for my block S when it's just at the bottom of the 'hill". image of me when i saw the heart breaking sms. image of our sweet moments such as the valentine surprise. i couldn't remember what else i recalled that night. but it felt so...... i don't know the word. it seems not long ago we were together. not long ago that we broke up. but it's been years. i miss you.
12:02 AM
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
rushing projects and projects and projects. finishing soon! saturday had AMC lesson and i was so stressed out that i was in a bad mood and giving my friends black face. it seems soooo difficult for this exam. it's more frightening when cheryl's friend said ethics is difficult.
my talent boy. WAS MY talent boy. thank you for the advertisement. i think we can score high distinction. hahaha, nah, have to see other contents as well. but know what, i'm so proud of you, saying that it's done by you. would be even more proud of you and myself if the my is not striked.
it's :D that in times when we were so broke, we still care for each other. i'm still a fortunate girl.
12:03 AM
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
it's so fking irritating not to have own computer. i used to do everything on my laptop. if i need to do project, i can do it quietly and more efficiently in my room. but now, i have to tolerate the fact that i have to use their computer. yesterday i waited till like 1am and both brothers are still using computer. and i have projects that i need to rush. woke up at 9 plus near 10am to see little brother still using computer. fine, i use kor's laptop. documents are in little brother's computer, so i have to transfer it to kor's laptop. kor's msn doesn't allow transfer, so i have to use mail. pk suggested to lend me his thumbdrive, which somehow cures my baddie mood. :D started doing and bengawan solo website is down. dammit. anyhow, managed to finish my part for ONE module. i don't know what the shit is marcom project about. i don't know what the shit is ethics project about. felt lost like the other time OB project, perhaps worst than that. but still, it will be over in less than 2 weeks time.
after the projects, i'm going to study everyday for my exam. trust me, i will. planned with shu xian to study together from 9am to 6pm. hoho, i hope i can do that. frankly speaking, i'm not confident about this semester exam. ethics is like alien to me. amc does not have textbook to read. but i am sure i will study for it. maybe by exam time, i will step into the exam hall and step out of it confidently? haha, pray hard!
just now for a moment, i envy little brother for not having job and school for like 2 years. such a no stress life that i wish i will have it too. but the next moment, i realize life would be so meaningless then.
thank you sooooo much for the perfume. this boy is still so good afterall. :D
okay, back to projects. argh.
11:37 AM
Friday, March 20, 2009
i thought i should update here since it's been so long since the last one. i miss my using my fujitsu so much, where i can do so much things privately. don't have to wait for brothers to not use their computer/laptop. i can do my school work much more efficiently i guess. not only that, i miss the chance of buying a new laptop during the IT show because i have no money. if not i'll have new laptop. tsk tsk. money money roll into my business soooooon! looking forward to mid may where the exams are over and i'll have 1.5 months of break. okay i've got nothing more to say.
12:38 PM
Thursday, February 19, 2009
first time in my 21 years of life i sat on................... BMW! okay nothing to be proud of, not mine, not my friend's. is a stranger's BMW. lols. but it's nice k, be it the interior or exterior or the experience. i would love to sit more of it, best if i can own it. hahaha okay stop day dreaming. and and it'd be good if i can get to see his house. can i can i? O.O!
thank you friends who always wake me up, either in the middle of the night or in the morning. :D
okay gotta go prepare for school. ah sian! more updates sooooon.
12:25 PM
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
i want to sleep. but i need to complete my project that's due tomorrow. after that, i still need to complete another one that's due on saturday. i hate school. i hate school. i hate school. i'm so tired. so tired. the projects are killing my brain cells. wait, i wonder do i even have brain cells. cos i have difficulty doing the projects. it seems to tough for me in uni eh.
okay anyway, i'm a happy girl today. thanks for paying for the dress and the extra $21. thanks for the times spent with you. not forgetting, i passed my final theory test. love love!
okay back to work. sad!
11:47 PM
Saturday, February 7, 2009
i just realized something today. for the past few weeks, i drag my feet to school, but i did listen to lectures. these few days i went school full of anticipation and happy mood of wanting to do well. but as the lectures go on, i became more demoralized, stress and upset. because of the assignments requirement and stuffs. lecture today is humorous, but when everyone is laughing, my face remains the same. yes, you can see how stress i am. i came up with a line to motivate myself. "no matter how tough, it'd be over soon. so just hold on." hopefully i will keep going and do well.
few days back, a friend asked me what do i look for in finding a significant other. my reply was:
feeling comfortable with him.
sense of security.
and while replying, the person who came across my mind and fits the above criteria is you-know-who. he is someone who understand me the most. even if i don't say anything, he knows something is wrong with me. someone who knows my likes and dislikes. someone who dotes on me. someone who knows what i need. someone who considers my needs and what suits me when buying things for me. someone who touches my heart with the things he do, just like few days ago. isn't he great? how i wish this special someone...... *slaps wake up*
lecturer showed us a video of banyan tree holdings ltd. such a nice place for couples. and i started day dreaming about going there with you-know-who. but then since i'm in lecture, i didn't day dream much lah. good girl right.
look, this is banyan tree resort maldives. i'm so in love with the place. romantic man. one day i shall go there with my significant other.
and i think keppel marina bay is quite a nice place as well.
oh man, these reminds me that valentines' day is coming. for singles like me, it'd be just another day.
and actually i've been wanting to talk to someone about something. going to the law firm yesterday and listening and learning that he needs to go there. i don't know how to put it across here.
okay back to project. ROARS! *pulls hair*
oh wait, one last thing. my study table. spot the green note book and 8 hamtaros and piggy and purple bottle and red crumpler pouch.
11:32 PM
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
school sucks big time. projects sucks big time. give me strength to carry on. am i really stupid and weak. it is just the start of the projects and i'm like on the verge of crying. L for loser. ARGH!!!!
11:50 PM
Monday, February 2, 2009
fuck fuck fuck. i'm having such a bad mood now. went final theory evaluation and i failed it the third time. i must pass it by tomorrow no matter what. a total waste of my time and money. i wanted to study tomorrow morning and now i have to waste my time and money on the stupid evaluation. i don't understand where i went wrong. and the second time questions are fucked up. reached home and mummy said her friend saw me today. and please, it's a guy. i really hate those 38 people and this is a guy. how can a guy be so 38. i wonder what did he see and say to mummy. and i don't know what's wrong with me recently. i've been so easily tired and having dreams every night.
and the thought of going to school tomorrow really makes me more pek cek. i don't know since when, i really hate school. i'm sorry. i shouldn't be saying these now, given the fact that i've gone through one semester and that i've paid the fees. sorry. but i really don't know what's wrong with me. tomorrow onwards, there will be endless projects and notes writing and then it's exam on apr to may. fuck. but i will try to try my best and get back the study mood asap.
but then the good thing is sweetie did sayang me when i'm in bad mood. thanks sweet.
11:35 PM
Saturday, January 31, 2009
i'm a happy girl on thursday! because good news from doctor, just that the infection is still there.
cny 09 is reallllly boring. i didn't even see chloe. you lah, didn't bring me to house visiting. hahaha. no idea why i still keep my new clothes till cny. i should have worn them earlier.
don't know why i'm so easily tired. and still as lazy. please please find some ways to force me study.
okie pictures time. i love my camera. thanks pk for the recommendation, canon is really good!
first of all, i want to show off my favourite. it's supposed to put water inside. but i bu she de put. though it's only 30 bucks, but this amount is alot during that time. it's not something useful. but he bought it just because he knows i'm so in love with hamtaro. and i want to thank you for everything. maybe i should display them on my study table to motivate myself to study?
okay cny pics. please don't faint. take a deep breath before scrolling down.
ade.
and ade.
and ade.
and still ade.
and more ade.
and more more ade.
okay last one.
and with the ah beng of the house.
and more with ah beng.
kor said i look sweet at the right picture. but i think my mouth is BIG.
the right one was funny. we didn't know the multiple shots self timer is so fast.
spot the tummy!
another one.
three.
act cute!
and this is the last one.
took so much pics but none with you. one day. soon. i will take with you. i think i have nothing more to say. gooderbye.
7:15 PM
